Unfortunately I'm here to tell you once again that I am not pregnant.  I was really hoping this would be the month our prayers would finally be answered!  I don't have much to say that I haven't already said a million times before.  Did your parents ever tell you, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all??"  Well mine did... and I know with the way I am feeling right now, spilling my heart would involve nothing but whining, crying and self pity.  But I don't want that.  I want this blog to be God lead and right now I do not feel him laying anything specific on my heart to share with you.  So I will spare you the "poor me" post and leave you with some wise words from the one and only Corey Nichols:

1) You have to focus on what you have and not on what you don't have

2) There are better people than us going through much worse things than we are

Smart man I tell ya!  He is so right. The Lord knew I needed a strong, even keel man to help keep me out of a constant emotional hailstorm and to talk some sense into me once in a while.  I'm so thankful for him and for all of you.

When I started this blog at the beginning of the year, I had every intention of blogging on a weekly basis.  As you can see, it has not exactly panned out that way!  But I am not going to be too hard on myself, for a change.  I have some good qualities and strengths, but I have realized that consistency and time management are not among them. So why I thought doing a blog was a good idea is beyond me! But it is what it is and I hope The Lord will use my infrequent blog posts to accomplish whatever He wants to accomplish through them, both in my life and the lives of others.  

I suppose some of you might be wondering what is going on since I really haven't given you much info since my surgery back in July!  Well, my post-op appointment went well and we were given the go-ahead to start trying again.  You would think I would be shouting "woo hoo," at the top of my lungs, but in all honesty it feels a whole lot like the feeling you get when boarding a roller coaster... exciting and scary all at the same time. The last roller coaster we were on had a whole lot of sharp turns and steep drops, and we are hoping maybe this one will be a little less jerky. That's the thing about roller coasters though, you never know what you are getting into or whats around the next corner until you get on and go. Anyway, back to my appointment. I was under the impression that I would have to switch to a different fertility drug since I had taken Clomid quite a bit longer than you are technically supposed to.  (The main concern is the increased risk of ovarian cancer with repeatedly hyperstimulating the ovaries with fertility meds).  But my doctor made the decision to keep me on Clomid since I am on the lowest dose and respond well to it, meaning I produce mature eggs. Plus,  I would still have all the same risks if I were on a different ovarian stimulant, such as Femara. Makes sense I guess. I really don't have a choice since I don't ovulate on my own. It is ironic to me that I have all these problems, such as PCOS, endometriosis, infertility... and trying to overcome them increases my risk for other problems.  I feel like hopeless cause sometimes, but nothing or no one is hopeless with my God.  That being said, we are at it again!  

In the past I took Clomid days 5-9 of my cycle, but my doctor switched it to days 3-7 this time around to mix it up a little.  Because of that, I had my follicle ultrasound on day 12 instead of day 14. That morning, we were very happy to see that I had 3 large, mature follicles (eggs)!  We ideally like to have between 1 and 3 mature follicles each month.  No follicles is bad because we have no chance to getting pregnant and more than 3 is bad because  they won't do IUI because of the risk of high order multiples (more than 3 fetuses).  But we had 3, so I headed to the pharmacy to pick up my monthly trigger shot (HCG), which Corey had the pleasure of shooting me up with later that night.  He doesn't like giving them to me any more than I like getting them, but hey...what can you do?  At least I don't freak out as much as I used to!  It is a little nerve wracking to get a shot in your butt from a guy who has no training in that department & has only ever given shots in the mouth with a much, much smaller needle!!  But so far my sciatic nerve is still intact and I have not bled to death, so its all good!  We were scheduled for IUI 36 hours after the shot.  We had the IUI on Sunday, Sept. 21st., which means we are now in the period known in the infertility world as the "two week wait."  Hopefully we'll be getting good news this month!  It is so hard to stay positive after so many months of disappointment... 42 to be exact. Sometimes it is hard for me to even dream about onesies and baby giggles and lullabies anymore.  Lets be honest, I am not always positive and I don't always handle the pitfalls of my infertility with grace.  The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.  I know that I have an enemy working against me who doesn't want me to pray.  But Jesus in His Word teaches us to be persistent when we come to Him. He is the Giver of all good and perfect gifts and the One who loves to grant us the desires of our hearts. The only time he doesn't answer our prayers is when He has something better than what we are asking for. So as we established earlier, I may not be the most consistent person in the world, but you better believe I'm being persistent!  And I thank all of you who are also persistently lifting up prayers for us!!  I feel like a broken record because I say this so much, but it seriously means the world to Corey and me.  Please please keep it up!! 

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  Luke 11:9-10 


I also have some good news about my sweet Mama!  Since my last post, we found out that her leukemia is not currently aggressive, nor does she need chemotherapy at this time!!!  For now she will see the hematologist every 3 months for follow-up so he can keep an eye on her.  We couldn't have asked for better news!  Cheers to answered prayers!  I'm asking the Great Physician to continue keeping her on this path.  We know everyone is not so lucky and we are very thankful for her stable condition!