Back in early December, I mentioned in a post that Corey and I would be going to see an infertility specialist in mid January.  Exactly one week ago today, we made a trip down to Little Rock to do just that.  This has been a long time coming! We kept hoping with each new discovery (luteal phase defect, PCOS, endometriosis, etc.) that once we treated it, we would get pregnant.  But here we are, having to face the facts that our many attempts have been unsuccessful.  It has been almost 4 years since we began trying and almost 2 years since I was last pregnant.  We've done everything from trying on our own with no help to taking a vast array of medications to surgery to artificial inseminations to taking breaks....and we have still been unable to conceive. So, it is time. We have been praying for God to lead and guide us and we both agreed that we feel this is what He wants us to do at this point.  We feel that He continues to give us the desire to be parents and to pursue having our own child, so we are going to keep continuing on that path until something changes.  

The appointment was a long 4 hours filled paperwork, waiting, talking, waiting, ultrasound, waiting, physical exam, waiting, bloodwork, waiting and finally more talking.  When it was all said and done, the doctor said I was a good candidate for IVF and that it is what he would recommend for us at this point since we have already done anything else he would have otherwise suggested.  He told us that the rate of success for someone my age and in my condition is 50%.  I guess that's pretty good, but I'd prefer 99.9% personally!!!  The process would involve 3 more trips to Little Rock.  Thankfully I would be able to do all of the necessary ultrasounds and bloodwork at my doctor's office here locally, so that saves us from having to make 8-9 trips down there in a 6 week period.  The cost of doing IVF is approximately $15,000.  Thankfully we have a $15, 000 lifetime infertility benefit on our insurance that would cover most of that. Somehow we have only used about a thousand of it so far.  So basically, we would just have to pay our deductible out of pocket and possibly a little extra.  Praise God!  I know many people do not have this benefit so I feel very fortunate.  Once we have used it, in the future we would have to pay any and all infertility costs out of pocket. I will definitely give you a whole lot more details about the whole IVF process if and when we get there.  

As for right now, we are focusing on the present and praying for a miracle this month!  We've been to the fertility specialist and we are planning to start the IVF stuff next month, but we would love for God to wreck that plan with a positive pregnancy test in a few weeks!  I took clomid this month and I ended up showing 3 mature eggs/follicles on ultrasound Monday.  So, I took the HCG trigger shot and we are doing timed intercourse and hoping for the best!   We know our God is a great big God who is fully capable of giving us a baby at any time.  Will you please join us in praying that He will answer our prayers this month!? With God, ALL things are possible!  

Here we are in 2015.  Happy new year, y'all!  I must say, I have been very blessed in the days and weeks since my last post! This year, Christmas time was FULL of family time for us.... even more-so than normal. Since we were going to be spending Christmas in Nebraska this year, we had a fun evening with my in-laws a few days before Christmas, where we ate a yummy meal, opened presents and played cards.  It was a really good time!

Then, very early on Christmas Eve morning, we headed north for our 'Tour of Nebraska!' We picked up my brother in Lincoln and we may or may not have been having so much fun talking and playing 'trivia crack' that we ran out of gas! Thankfully, my aunt and uncle came to the rescue and brought us some fuel! Luckily we broke down about a mile from their exit on the interstate. That was a fun/embarassing little experience!  No one tell my husband that this is now public knowledge!!! Happens to everyone, right?!  ;)  Twelve hours after leaving our house in Northwest Arkansas, we arrived in McCook (southwest Nebraska), where we got to hang out with my Dad's side of the family for a couple of days. There was lots of good food and conversation, gun shooting and card playing. One of my favorite parts was the always lovely candlelight service at Grandma's church. She still plays the organ like a champ at 84 years of age!  I seriously love going to her church and listening to her!  This woman lives at home by herself, cleans her whole 2 story house by herself, is the landlord of several duplexes, walks her dog 3 times a day, reads all kinds of books, is a big sports fan and I could go on and on. My Grandma is awesome, just so you know.  I aspire to be just like her one day! She is beautiful, witty, kind-hearted, full of good stories and absolutely the strongest person I know. And that my friends was my shameless plug for Grandma Joyce.

The day after Christmas, we woke up to snow falling!  Christmas Day (when we had nowhere to go) would have been a little better, but hey...snow is snow and is pretty anytime!  I didn't complain.  We got up, packed up the car and headed about an hour north to meet my Mom and Stepdad in North Platte. This is the town where I lived from birth to 16.  It is always so fun to go back and still gives me that 'home' feeling.  Much of my Stepdad's family still lives there, so we got to have donuts and coffee with Grandma Kellogg and several cousins, aunts and uncles.  It was so fun to see everyone! It is not very often that we get to be together. Let me just tell you a little bit about Grandma K!  She > or = in age to Grandma Joyce and equally as awesome! I cannot divulge her age because everyone who knows it is sworn to secrecy.  But I'm pretty sure if I looked and acted like her at that point in my life, I would be flaunting my age!  She lives at home completely independently, drives herself all around town, drinks a beer a day, is a dancing queen and manages to keep up on all the happenings of her 8 kids, their spouses and her bazillion grandkids.  She looks absolutely amazing every time I see her and she always has a smile on her face!  Plus, she is sharp as a whistle I tell ya.  And thats my shameless plug for Grandma Kellogg.

After our fun morning with the Kellogg clan, we hit the road again and headed a couple hours east to Kearney.  Even though I have only been gone from Nebraska for 2.5 years, I somehow always forget how windy it is there! As we were driving, it literally looked like we were in a snow globe that had just been shaken up. There was snow blowing EVERYWHERE.  But we made it safe and sound to my sweet cousin's house where we had the Morosic family gathering this year.  We all knew this Christmas was going to be a tough one as it was our first one without Grandma AND Grandpa.  We have lost them both recently and the thought of Christmas without them just makes me feel sick. Christmas at their long time home in Wood River was always a treat!  Their house was always decorated beautifully and Grandma was always anxiously waiting for us to arrive to greet us and cover us in hugs and kisses right when we walked in the door! She was such a good cook and baker, which meant her house always smelled of something amazing she was concocting.  Grandpa looked forward to Christmas BINGO with the grandkids all year long and had so much fun shopping for the prizes.  I'm pretty sure we looked forward to it just as much!  He was never low on $2 bills and a plethora of other random prizes to hand out.  I am so grateful we had this tradition with him!  After BINGO, we always ate a big traditional Christmas meal.  The grandkids always played 'the quiet game,' which I am fully confident you had to be there to understand exactly how hilarious it was. Then we would all pile into the living room to open presents and hang out.  I am so full of amazing memories of Christmases spent with Grandpa and Grandma Morosic!  And thats the thing about good memories with people you love... you are never satisfied with how many you have... you always want more.  That's why I was dreading Christmas without them.... no more memories to be made.  But we did the next best thing...we honored their memory.  We all gave each other big hugs when we walked in the door.  We played an incredibly fun game of BINGO, full of joking and laughing and random prizes,  just like always.  We had some amazing food and great conversation.  It wasn't the same and it will never be the same, but we did the best we could without them here.  We loved and we laughed and we ate, just like they taught us.  I could go on and on for hours telling you about how wonderful my Grandpa and Grandma were and all the fun times we had together and reasons I loved them so. But I'll just tell you this, being their granddaughter has been and was and will always be one of the greatest privileges of my life!  And thats my shameless plug for Grandpa Boomer and Grandma Barbie.

Whew! Ok, moving on.  After leaving Kearney, we hopped back on the interstate to head east again... this time to Lincoln, our final Nebraska destination.  We got home late, but the next day we got to sleep in and have an awesome, chill day.... most of which we spent in our pajamas.  Mom and I had hot chocolate and toast for breakfast!  You actually dip the buttered toast in the melty marshmallow covered hot chocolate.  Yummmmmm!!  She used to make that for us kids sometimes in the winter, so it was fun to relive that with her.  We all (Dennis, Mom, Taylor, Corey and I) hung out and talked, opened presents, and watched the Huskers in their bowl game.  The Husker loss was a bummer, but Dennis' creative tags on the Christmas gifts were a hit, as usual!! Y'all wouldn't even believe who all I got Christmas presents from this year! It was such a nice, relaxing day of just simply being together. The next morning it was already time to head back home. So we gave hugs and said goodbyes and off we went, 6 hours south to Springdale, Arkansas.

What a great way to end the year, surrounded by so many people that I love and that love me!  It wasn't the best year, (I mean lets be honest,) but my God, my family and my friends have pulled me through and covered me in so much love.  I may not have a baby, but I have a lot, and right now I am going to rest in that.  "But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you.  To him be the gory and the dominion forever and ever.  Amen."  1 Peter 5: 10-11