You can't have a blog about infertility without dedicating a post to your dog. At least I can't. Because she is so much more than just a pet! She is a big part of our family has been a constant source of love and loyalty in my life. She's one of the best friends I could ever imagine having! 

We got "Mocha," our beagle mix rescue dog, a few short months after we got married. It was October 2010, to be exact. She was the cutest little thing I ever did see, and we fell head over heels in love the very first day we had her!

Looking back, I think getting "Mocha Belle" was one of the best decisions we have ever made! I had no idea at the time what a huge blessing she would turn out to be or how much I would need her affection, and even just her presence. The depression I've dealt with has caused me at times to isolate myself from friends and family. But I've never truly been alone at any point in the past 5 years of this trial of infertility, because even when no one else is around, Mocha is always there. I can't isolate myself from her and I'm so glad. That in itself has been invaluable to me! 

A relationship with a dog is truly about the most uncomplicated relationship you can have. You don't have to talk and you don't have to listen. Or you can talk your head off and they will always listen. Dogs are always there to offer you great companionship, you don't have to worry about annoying or offending them or wonder if they really like you. They just offer unconditional love and they can't talk back! :) 

But there is more than just her presence that I treasure. "Mocha Bean the Drama Queen's" personality is the best! She is the most well balanced dog I have ever known... the perfect mix of calm, loving, ornery and playful. Sometimes I wonder how we got so lucky...but I know it really wasn't about luck, rather that God knew exactly what we needed and hand picked her for us. He truly cares about every detail of our lives! 

Mocha has given us the chance to be parents, even if it has not been in the way we envisioned. We have gotten to take care of her since she was a baby and watch her grow and change. We feed her, we take her to the vet, we love on her, discipline her, take her on walks and worry when she isn't acting normal. Like any parents, we care about her overall well being. We know what it is to have someone depend on us completely for their survival. I really think having her has helped me subconsciously avoid getting too self-absorbed in my pain. I always have her to care for, to focus on. The 3 of us have gone through some really hard times of and also some really fun times together. There is just this strong bond between her and us! 

Mocha has seen more of my tears than anyone else has. She's seen me at my best, my worst and everything in between. And despite it all, her love for me never changes. She's been there through both miscarriages, the failed IVF, multiple surgeries, the deaths of my grandparents, fights with Corey, thousands of prayers spoken out loud, way too many negative pregnancy tests... and on and on. She has such a keen sense for how I am feeling and knows exactly how to act according to that. She is such a lover!  Not only does she comfort me when I am really sad by giving me gentle kisses, putting her paw on my hand or snuggling up to me, but she also lifts my spirits in general. Every day she does something that makes me smile, even if it is just her being cute without even trying. Her puppy dog eyes seem to say, "I love you, Mom" and her tail is always wagging. There is this quote that says "wag more, bark less." I think I could learn a lesson about that from Mocha! She is one happy girl. She has 2 parents that love her and care deeply for her and she is absolutely content with that. And that gets me thinking... How much more does my Father in Heaven love me? There is no comparison. If Mocha can be so content being loved by very imperfect parents, how much more content should I be because I am loved by a perfect God? It is pretty convicting, really. 

I think that "Bella Bean" encourages us to be more active and get more sunshine and fresh air. We know she needs exercise and have come to love taking her on walks, hikes and even out on our kayaks with us! Did you know that having a dog has actually been proven to improve your health? Pet owners have been found to have lower cholesterol, lower blood pressure and fewer heart attacks. Just being around your dog causes you to laugh and smile more, be more active and reduce your stress levels by boosting your levels of dopamine and serotonin... neurotransmitters associated with tranquility and relaxation. Laughter and dogs are the best medicine! 

Another great benefit of having "Mochie" is that she makes me feel safe. When I am home alone during the day or when Corey is out of town, I know she will alert me of anything suspicious. It is also just nice to have someone to talk to and hang out with.  It would be interesting to see what Mocha would say if she could talk, rather than us guessing what she would say and talking for her :) 

"Go Huskers! Woo Pig Sooie!"

"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to."

"I'm so embarrassed right now. But I do love all the attention I'm getting!"

We get made fun of all the time for all the ways we dress up our poor dog. But it hasn't stopped us yet!  What a good sport my little "Sugar Bear" is :)  She makes us laugh and entertains us so much, both by what we do to her and by the silly and weird things she does all on her own!

Every part of our day has something special about it that involves Mocha. In the mornings we wake up to her snuggled between us under the covers. She sneaks up there when the sun starts to come up. She never wakes us up early. Rather, she just sleeps until we are ready to get up. Then we are greeted with her sweet face. Sometimes we will lay there and pet her for a few minutes and she will whine for joy.  She loves nothing more than all 3 of us being in once place and all the attention being on her!  We feed her, let her outside and then she's right back in our bed :) It is definitely her favorite place!

If I am working from home, she will follow me around some of the day and sleep some of the day. I find myself talking to her off and on throughout my day and we often go for walks.  When either Corey or myself are gone from the house for any length of time, we are greeted with an overjoyed puppy when we get home. That is one of the best feelings!  And we are usually equally as excited to see her.  

Most evenings we have some play time with her which involves keep-away or hide and seek or chasing each other. Then she waits patiently while we eat dinner, hoping there will be some leftover meat she will get as a treat. Then we settle in to watch some t.v. and she alternates who she sits with. She is seriously the sweetest dog! I really think she takes turn because she doesn't want to hurt either of our feelings. 

When it is time for bed, Corey always beats me there because his bedtime routine is so much shorter than mine. So that has become the time when he and Mocha have "pillow time." She lays her head on my pillow and he pets her and tells her what a good girl she is. It is so adorable and it still cracks me up after all these years. Then I come to bed and we all snuggle for a few minutes before she's off to one of her 3 beds for the night. She's not spoiled at all! 

Having a dog, our dog, has forever impacted my life for the better! I talk often about how much harder this trial would be without the support of such amazing friends and family surrounding us, but the same is true for Mocha! She has been our best friend and our daughter and it doesn't matter that she can't talk... because actions always speak louder than words. She loves us so well. 

"Who rescued who?"

"Everyone thinks they have the best dog, and none of them are wrong." 

"I'm not spoiled, my master is just well trained."

"Once you've had a wonderful dog, a life without one is a life diminished."

"Home is where my dog is."