I love smoothies!  They make such a delicious, refreshing snack or breakfast ...especially on warm days. To be honest, I am not the best about eating quite as many fresh fruits and vegetables as I probably should, so this is a great way for me to sneak them into my diet! For the past year or so I have been on a "green smoothie" kick.  At first, the thought of putting spinach in it totally freaked me out... but I can honestly tell you that you cannot taste it! Some people put kale in their smoothies instead of spinach, so I did try that and was personally not a fan.  Kale has a stronger taste and I felt like it made my smoothie kind of bitter or something.  But spinach is a winner in my book!  Below I explain my method for making these tasty concoctions.  Feel free to get hooked!  :)

In a blender add:

-1-2 cups frozen fruit (I like to buy mixed fruit varieties.  The kind I used today was strawberry, blueberry & raspberry.  I also really like strawberry, peach, mango and pineapple)

-1 cup milk, almond milk, soy milk, etc. (I use almond milk)

-1 banana 

-1/2 cup greek yogurt or 1 scoop protein powder

-1 tbsp ground flax seed

-However much baby spinach you would like (I usually just fill it to the top). 

Then put on the lid and blend!  I tend to go back and forth between the mix and puree settings to get it all good and smooth.  One thing I have found helps is right after you put the frozen fruit in, run some cold water over it and then pour the water out (holding your hand over it so the fruit does not fall out) and proceed with putting in the other ingredients.  It slightly thaws the fruit just enough to make it easier to blend.  

 

Then pour it in a cup or glass, add a straw and enjoy!  I love sitting on my back deck drinking one of these and relishing some fresh air and quiet time!  

I have to admit that ever since writing my last blog post, I have been really disturbed.  I really felt the need for a follow-up post.  Let me first say that this 'being transparent' thing does not come naturally to me.  I would truly prefer that you all saw mainly the good and very little of the not-so-good in me!  But for some reason, God has called me to show you the whole (sometimes ugly) truth.  It was once again embarrassing to admit to an unknown number of people who read my blog what I was honestly feeling and how ridiculous I've been acting. But it wasn't only that bothering me. I also realized that what I was feeling felt all too familiar.... and it took me a while to figure out why.  It wasn't until today that I remembered that just a few months ago I wrote a post on idolatry---trying to fill the voids in our lives with anything but God.  Wasn't that exactly what I was doing now? Did I already fall back into my old ways? Unfortunately, without even realizing it at first, the answer was yes.  I am starting to notice a pattern in my life and I know exactly how I got to where I am once again:

Less time in the Word + less time spent in prayer + more time facebooking, instagraming, watching television, etc. + seeking fulfillment outside of God in wordly things = bondage & emptiness

How quickly I find myself back in chains when I take my eyes off of Jesus and let Satan lure me back into self-destructiveness.  It's a slow fade to where you don't even know it's happening until you're in the bottom of a pit wondering how you got there.  Well, maybe some of you are more observant and see it happening, but I am usually like "Oh man, I was feeling so good not long ago and now my life is falling apart.  How did this happen?"  

When I am convicted of this and get my priorities back in order, this is what I notice happens:

More time in the Word + more prayerfulness + less time on social media and watching t.v. + seeking fulfillment only in The Lord and His promises = freedom & fulfillment

So here is what I have really been wrestling with lately;  Why, if I am fully aware of what causes bondage and what undoubtedly brings freedom, do I keep finding myself in bondage over and over again?  Especially when I know how good freedom feels and how awful bondage feels!  Also, if the Holy Spirit is living in me and never leaves me, why don't I experience His divine peace all the time and in every aspect of my life? God has opened my eyes this week to something I have never understood before.  He has taught me that you can experience freedom in some areas of your life while still being in bondage in others.  I experience momentary freedom in the area of my infertility when do what I should, such as pray, study the Bible, etc.--- but until I give Him full authority over that area of my life, I will continue to fall back into bondage and not experience lasting freedom.  Not because praying doesn't work or the Bible is not powerful, but because I can do those things without giving Him complete authority.  The Spirit of God is always in us, but He floods only the parts of our lives where He is in authority.  Like I said in my last post...He will not force Himself upon us.  He will not break down the walls unless we ask Him to.  Oh He has the power, but He desires a relationship, not a puppet show.  

I made the mistake of thinking that once I received the Holy Spirit, He would just kind of take over my life and lead the way and I would naturally be submissive and obedient to Him.  But thats not how it works. We have free will not only to decide whether or not to accept Jesus and Savior, but also to what degree we will enjoy the gift of His Spirit once it has been given.  If we do not practice humble obedience in every single area of our lives (even the areas where we desperately want to be our own God and call the shots) we will miss out on a whole lot of freedom and peace.  Trust me, I know.  I have not wanted to give God complete authority over my infertility because I am afraid of what that might mean.  I am afraid that He might lead me down a path that involves childlessness.  I am afraid that the fruitfulness He has planned for my life might never involve being physically fruitful. And that terrifies me.  

No matter how scared I am about what the future may or may not hold, I am even more afraid of living a life apart from God's will.  Jesus was ALWAYS obedient to the will of the Father in all things, even death.  His focus on doing the Father's will guided His life and His ministry.  What a perfect example!  He is the Sovereign and Almighty King.  He has never failed before and He won't start now.  It's time to let Him rule.  

It has been a while since I've blogged.  Man, time goes by fast!  Does it seem like the days and weeks are flying by at record speeds--- or is it just me?  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my 30th birthday is just a few months away and I am having a bit of a 1/3 life crisis.  Is that a thing... a 1/3 life crisis? If not, it is now.  Maybe I'll start a trend.  Even just the word "thirty" makes me cringe.  I have literally broken down in tears just thinking about it.  I have also gone a little crazy lately... buying unnecessary clothes & shoes, being consumed with the desire to travel, wanting to eat out and not cook, not caring much about our budget or being responsible and the list goes on.  If it were up to me and I didn't have a husband thinking clearly and restraining me, I'm pretty sure we would be on a roadtrip across America right now and then most likely exploring Europe by the end of summer.  I think it all comes down to this...I thought my life would look different at this point.  More specifically, I thought I would be a Mom by now.  That was the plan.  For as long as I could remember, a Mom is what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I didn't have many aspirations other than that.  I have always felt like that was God's calling for my life, to be a wife and mother.  And I still feel that way.  And I have been blessed to get to be Corey's wife for the past 3.5 years.  But that other void is still there in my heart.  

Last week I was in Nebraska for my Grandpa Boomer's funeral.   It was an incredibly bittersweet week--- holding his hand as he took his last breaths and celebrating his life with all of our family. (More on that later).  Losing 2 of my dear grandparents in the last 9 months mixed with the reality of my 30th birthday creeping up has brought me back once again to the realization that life is short and it goes by way too FAST.  So here I am going overboard trying to live it up, have fun, enjoy life, take it all in.  Here I am crying and fretting over a stupid number.  Here I am frustrated that my master plan is not panning out. 

I am so happy that tomorrow is Easter!  It is one of the best days of the year and such a perfect time to lay it all down before the Lord and start over.  I know that is exactly what I need to do rather than continue trying to fill that void on my own.  What a beautiful thing that Christ died on the cross to save us and then rose again to reign forever!  With His death and resurrection, He ushered in the New Covenant.  And because of the salvation He has given me, I know I have eternity in Heaven to look forward to!!  Amazing.  And yet somehow I get so caught up in this life and age and dreams and plans. Oh how I need His grace to continue washing over me & how desperately I need His love to fill my empty places.  He has filled that void of my longing to be a Mom time and time again and has brought me true peace, even in some of the hardness times of this trial. And I know He will do it again.  But He will not force Himself upon me.  I must draw near to Him, let the walls down, spend lots of time in The Scriptures and in prayer.  If I draw near to Him, He will draw near to me...and suddenly all of those worries and fears I harbor along with the fear of turning 30 will seem strangely irrelevant.  

"You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud

but shows favor to the humble.”

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up..... Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”  James 4:4-10 and 13-15 

In closing, I want you give you an update on where we are in our infertility journey. Corey and I had our 2nd IUI this morning.  Our ultrasound yesterday showed 2 mature eggs, both larger than any I've ever had before.  The lining of my uterus was also thicker than it has ever been.  Both of these things are very encouraging! My doctor was very hopeful and strongly urged us to do IUI this month.   Corey and I both agreed that we wanted to try it again and this felt like a good time to do it.  I got the trigger shot of HCG yesterday and we had the procedure at 9 this morning.  We are hoping and praying that this Easter will be a celebration of new life for us in more ways than one!  

I am praying that everyone reading this has a wonderful Easter!  

After a long, cold winter, I am so delighted that the trees and flowers are finally beginning to bloom and the grass is starting to turn green again!  Oh how I love this time of year! This lovely Spring atmosphere has me in the mood to be doing pretty much anything outside. Corey and I considered having a garden last year, but never got around to it---so we decided this is going to be the year we create our first fruit and vegetable garden in our back yard!!  

Corey has been wanting a wood working project for a while now, so I suggested he build us some raised garden beds.  He jumped all over that idea!  He and our neighbor Adam worked hard together for a few days and built Danielle and I some beautiful cedar garden boxes.  What a sweet thing for them to do for their wives!  I think they may have had a little fun, too :)  

Getting started in the garage...

Deciding where we wanted our garden and digging out the grass.

Trying to be helpful... but lets me honest... hubby did most of the work!

Leveling...

Building...

The finished product!!  I'm so happy with how they turned out!

We planted bell peppers, jalapeno peppers, raspberries, cucumbers, onions, zucchini, basil, cilantro, thyme and parsley.  We also planted some strawberries in pots on the porch because we ran out of room in the garden! We may have gotten a little carried away... but I am hoping and praying that SOMETHING will grow and produce good fruit!  Our neighbors, the Wheelers, planted completely different things (tomatoes, squash, spinach, etc.,) and we are going to share everything with each other!  It's a great deal!  Corey and I definitely have a lot of learn about gardening, but like anything else in life... I suppose we'll learn as we go.  

Cheers to new hobbies and adventures!  

This past weekend I went to Dallas with my friends, Maura and Ryan (of Eugene Grace Photography) for some photo shoots.  Oh my goodness... we had such a blast!! Ryan is also a travel agent and he hooked us up with an awesome hotel downtown to stay in.  Over the course of the weekend, we were all over the place--the bishop arts district, downtown, north Dallas & some of the suburbs. It was fun exploring and finding some really cool spots to take pictures!!  We ate such good food and we even got cupcakes out of a cupcake atm!! That was a new one for all of us. What a seriously cool city!  

One of the highlights of the weekend for me was going to 'The Village Church' and being taught by Pastor Matt Chandler.  I had listened to some of his stuff online in the past and was so excited to be able to attend his church while we were in Dallas!  I personally love his style of preaching.  He is so passionate about the gospel and doesn't feel the need to tip toe around the truth.  I admire his boldness and his lack of sugar coating. There is no doubt in my mind that The Lord is working through Matt bring many souls to Him.  His church is currently studying the Book of Acts and this week he taught on Acts 15.  "Then some of the believers who belonged to the party of the Pharisees stood up and said, “The Gentiles must be circumcised and required to keep the law of Moses.” The apostles and elders met to consider this question.  After much discussion, Peter got up and addressed them: “Brothers, you know that some time ago God made a choice among you that the Gentiles might hear from my lips the message of the gospel and believe.  God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us. He did not discriminate between us and them, for he purified their hearts by faith.  Now then, why do you try to test God by putting on the necks of Gentiles a yoke that neither we nor our ancestors have been able to bear?  No! We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they are.”  Acts 15:5-11 One thing Matt said is that anyone can conform to a religious or moral code, but only God can transform our hearts by His grace.  Paul, Barnabas, Peter and many other church leaders were all in agreement that the works of the law have no part in our salvation and they were quick to correct those who were declaring otherwise.  

Today I want to share with you a YouTube video that I saw about a year ago. Not only is it one of my favorite songs ever, but also hearing what Matt Chandler and John Piper have to say, mixed with the incredible lyrics of the song is... amazing!  I remember the first time I saw & heard this I was so moved that I got chills all over my body.  I felt like God was speaking directly to me in every word that Matt spoke... "I knew you were going to be messy," "Don't give up...keep walking, keep pressing in, keep confessing...but don't give up.  I'll heal you" and "You're mine...what court can they possibly charge you in?"  In response to this, what can you do but lift up your hands and praise God for His great love?  For those of us who are saved and have been given the gift of the Holy Spirit, this is our reality!! Think about it.  It is so good for us to be reminded over and over what our salvation really means.  For those who do not yet know Christ, I know He loves you and desires for you to be His child.  He went to the cross and paid the price for your sins just as much for you as He did for me or anyone else.  He is standing at the door of your heart knocking. Will you open it and invite Him in??  If so, I promise it will be the best decision you could ever make.