Yesterday Corey and I had our IVF class in Little Rock! This is the day it all really begins.  Here's us in the car, right before we went inside.  We are feeling good and feeling ready.  Let's do this!!

The first thing we did was meet with the IVF coordinator, Debbie.  She walked us through the entire process, step by step. She is a pretty funny, slightly cranky older lady who has been doing this for 30-some years! We sat in her office and talked for about an hour. She explained things and we asked questions.  The main topics were when and how to take the various medications,  when labs and ultrasounds would be done and what to expect on egg retrieval day and embryo transfer day.  It was a lot of information to take in, but it is really nice to know what to expect and have a pretty good idea what the next month is going to look like!  

 Below is my medication schedule.  4 different kinds of pills, 3 different kinds of shots and 1 vaginal suppository.  All I can say is, it should be super fun! Hopefully all of these hormones, steroids, needle sticks and vaginal ultrasounds don't turn me into a green eyed monster!  I've had a lot of medications and procedures in the past several years, but never this many of both in this short of time.  Just be glad you're not me (or my husband) right now.  Ha ha!

After we signed all the consents, Debbie took us out to the lab area and drew our blood.  For me this blood work was to test for Hepatitis B & C, HIV, Rubella titer and blood type/screen.  For Corey it was for Hep B and HIV.  This is the first time in the 4 years we have been trying to have a baby that Corey has actually had to get something done to his body!  I was kind of excited that he got to be a pin cushion with me for a change ;)  I hate to say that guys have it easy when it comes to infertility... but guys have it easy when it comes to infertility.  But I guess he does have to put up with me, so it's not a complete walk in the park!  

We then went into the procedure room so that the doctor could perform a few tests on me.  The first thing he did was a vaginal ultrasound to look at my uterus and ovaries.  He measured my uterine lining.  Then looking at the ovaries, we found that my left ovary had a few small cysts on it and my right ovary had one larger cyst.  He said if that cyst on the right ovary does not disappear over the next few weeks, it may delay things a bit because it is too large to ignore.  If that ends up being the case, I would have to take a certain medication (lupron shot) a week longer and may end up having to come back down there to have the cyst surgically drained. All of this would delay the process about 1-2 weeks.  But he feels pretty confident that it will shrink down on its own and we will be able to stay on our current schedule.  The next thing he did was a "trial transfer."  What this means is he threaded a catheter through my cervix and into my uterus to make sure it went in easily without any resistance and also used it to measure the depth of the uterine cavity. The last test was a hydrosonography.  He injected saline into my uterus to evaluate my uterine cavity and make sure there were no polyps and that all of the edges appeared smooth.  Everything looked good, but man that was an uncomfortable 15 minutes!  I survived though. 

After that was all done, we went into his office and talked for a few minutes and that was it for our first official day of this IVF cycle.  Oh wait, I almost forgot the most painful part.... when we paid our $1,500 down payment on the way out the door.  Ouch!!  It will be worth it, it will be worth it, it will be worth it....

Here are some really neat pictures from Debbie's office.  Top left is an egg (way smaller than a period on a page).  Bottom left and top right are sperm fertilizing an egg.  Middle right is a fertilized egg.  All 3 middle pictures are early stage embryos that are multiplying (zygotes).  Bottom right is a blastocyst, which is an embryo about 5 days after fertilization, consisting of a few dozen cells.  They like to wait until day 5, when the embryo looks like that, to transfer the embryo to the mother.  But if the embryos are not thriving in the incubator, they will be transferred sooner, on day 3, before they get to this point.  

All very fascinating isn't it?  I'm blown away by the intricacy of new life being created.  Our God is an awesome God!  He is the giver of life and of all good things.  

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  Psalm 139:13-16

"Before you were formed in the womb, I knew you.  Before you were born I set you apart..." Jeremiah 1:5

I'm not really sure how to begin this post.  There are a whole lot of different emotions swirling around in me right now! It feels weird to say that we are actually and officially doing in vitro fertilization (IVF).  I had a blood test on Friday confirming that I was once again not pregnant. Although that news is not terribly surprising, it is still disappointing.  We had hoped that we would be one of those couples who happened to get pregnant right before their IVF cycle was supposed to begin.  But that's just not going to be our story.

I am sad, really sad.  How deeply I longed to create a new life naturally... just me, my husband and God, in the privacy of our home.  I honestly feel robbed of the joy & excitement of trying to have a baby. I always dreamed that the "act" that led to me getting pregnant would be a very intimate occasion.  I have to remind myself that it was, twice before when 2 little angels were created....so for that I am thankful. We've experienced the happy beginning, just not the happy ending.  My dream was never to have a petri dish baby, and it makes me sad to think about how very cold and formal the whole thing will likely be.

But at the same time, I am grateful, really grateful.  I praise Jesus that IVF is even an option and that I am a good candidate!  If it was not the case, I'm afraid we would be at the end of the road, scientifically speaking.  I am continually reminded about how often He uses technology for good.  I personally don't think God is against everything science or technology related. There may be areas of science that go against His Word (think darwinism), but overall I think most of our advancements in technology and science are thanks of God.  There is no way the human race could ever do all the amazing things we've done apart from Him. He gives the wisdom to the scientists and doctors.  So many people are healed of cancer with chemo and/or radiation, many people have babies after IVF and many people's lives are saved by being on a ventilator.  He uses it for good.  I think the key is to keep God in His rightful place... above it all.  Recognizing that all good things come from Him and not letting these other things take away His glory. Somehow science has convinced some people that there is no God.  For me, it has only added to my absolute certainty that there is.  He has continued opening doors for us and I am grateful.

I am nervous, really nervous.  You'd think I'd be used to the fear of the unknown by now, but I'm not. How is my body going to react to the medications?  Will any part of the process hurt?  What if we make all these trips to Little Rock, pay all this money, have my body poked-prodded-stimulated more than its ever been and still get bad news?  Of course it would all be worth it if we end up with a healthy baby in my womb, but how will I handle it if that is not the case?  The stakes are higher than they have ever been before.  These are only some of the questions going through my head.  I've always struggled with anxiety, so I know that going through this process and managing to keep my stress levels at a minimum will take some serious prayer.  Philippians 4:6-7 over and over again will be my sanity.

I am also excited, really excited.  Let's face it, statistically this is the best chance we've ever had!  The average woman having unprotected sex has a 15-20% chance of getting pregnant each month.  With the IUI's (insemination) we've done, that chance went up to about 22%.  My specialist says that with my age and conditions, my chance of pregnancy with IVF is 50-60%, depending on the health of the embryos. Of course I wish it was 100%, but it is still over double any statistical numbers we've been given before! Both of my friends who have had IVF at this same clinic had success and have beautiful children that came from it.  God works in mysterious ways.  Why do I find myself going down this IVF road when I know for sure He has always had the power to give me a baby and could have done it at any moment?  I have no idea. But it is exciting to be on this crazy, wild ride...not knowing what's ahead but knowing He's holding it all and that He has something big planned for me and Corey.  Our chances are like a flip of a coin, but God is the flipper. If He wants us to have a baby, we'll have a baby.  If He doesn't, we won't.  So really, its not a thing of chance at all.  It's exciting to think this could be the month & the way He chooses to answer thousands of prayers!

Our "IVF class" is Wednesday, February 18th in Little Rock.  This is where we will get all the in-depth info, the schedule, meds, etc.  I will begin taking the medications and have an ultrasound and blood work done every few days (here locally) to monitor how my ovaries are reacting.  Once my eggs reach a certain point, we will go back down to LR for the egg retrival.  I will be put to sleep for that.  Then the eggs will each be placed in their own petri dish and the sperm will be added to each dish.  The doctor told us that on average, about 60% of the eggs will get fertilized. Out of those 60%, approximately 1/3 of them will survive and thrive.  For example, if we start with 10 eggs, it is likely we would end up with 2 healthy embryos.  They watch the embryos for 3-5 days and depending on how they are doing, either transfer them into my body on day 3 or day 5.  If they do well and make it to day 5, that increases the chance of success.  So its 50% if we transfer on day 3 and 60% if we transfer on day 5.  This is all assuming we end up with any healthy embryos, Lord willing!  The doctor showed us pictures of eggs, sperm, a fertilized egg, embryos at different stages and WOW, it is amazing you guys!!  That is why I am going to do my best to keep you updated and informed every step of the way.  Not only does it bring me great comfort knowing so many people are "with" us through this, but I know many of you are intrigued and interested like I am.  I want to share this experience with you.

As much as I would not have chosen this path for myself, this is where I am, where I feel God has led me, and I am going to do my best to be positive about it.  IVF has always been a future possibility, but now it is a present reality. Corey and I need your prayers now more than ever.  Thanks so much for sticking with us through it all!  We love being so well loved.

"Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house.  And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at Jesus' feet and heard His word.  But Martha was distracted with much serving and she approached Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore, tell her to help me.  And Jesus answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things.  But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen the good part, which will not be taken away from her."  Luke 10:38-42

This biblical account of Jesus' encounter with Mary and Martha has always touched me.  The problem for me is, I can relate so much more to the sister in the wrong than to the sister in the right.  I am Martha; always so distracted, worried and busy.  I have the hardest time making sitting at Jesus' feet a priority.  And when I do spend time in prayer and in His Word... it is a constant struggle to keep my mind from wandering all over the place. The rare times when I am able to completely focus on Him and let everything else slip away are easily the most peaceful moments on my life.  

I was talking to one of my dearest friends, Erica, on the phone shortly after New Years.  If you were to take me, make me taller and give me curly, red hair...you'd have Erica.  I cannot even describe how much we are alike in pretty much every area other than physical appearance!  That being said, we always have the best conversations.  Virtually our entire friendship has been long distance, so we spend a lot of time talking on the phone and face timing.  On that particular day, we were discussing what our goals for 2015 are. Believe it or not, we had the exact same resolution, (surprise, surprise) to "simplify" our lives.  Some of the tangible ways I want to do that are:

•  Get back to the basics by writing more cards and letters
•  Enjoy the outdoors by going for more walks, bike rides, etc. 
•  Be still by reading more books & learning to crochet
•  Learn to let myself relax and to say no sometimes.  
•  Be less of a people pleaser and more of a God pleaser.  
•  Stop believing that my to-do list is so dang important. #prioritize
•  Enjoy the quiet by not constantly having the t.v. or pandora on
•  Unclutter my home by getting rid of things I don't need
•  Spend a lot less time on my phone
•  Try to single-task instead of multi-task as much as possible
•  Not letting doctors appointments, medications or infertility as a whole rule my life

Most of the things on this list go against my always on-the-go, anxious, perfectionistic tendencies.  But when I fill up my life with so many things that don't really matter, all it does it rob me of the things that do.  I am going to really try to be intentional about simplifying my life and focusing on what what is eternal.  

The past few weeks I have been thinking it would be cool for Erica and I to both have something in our homes to remind us to "simplify."  I have been casually looking for some sort of home decor with this one word on it but have not found anything, so I decided to try and make something!  Every now and then I get it these very DIY, crafty moods.  I went to Hobby Lobby and found some wood that I liked & I had some paint and brushes at home to use.  

I wanted a grayish, blue color so I mixed 2 of the colors I had together and brushed it on the back side first.  I let it dry for about an hour and then painted the front and sides. 

I then got on my computer and opened Microsoft Word.  I typed out the word SIMPLIFY and chose the font I wanted.  I did several different sizes and printed it.  I then cut out the words and found the one that was the right size and taped it on the wood I had painted (once it was dry).  I took a pen and traced the letters, pushing down fairly hard.  

I don't know if you can see it very well, but the letters traced perfectly onto the wood. Easy peasy!  

I found some "paint pens" at Hobby Lobby, which I decided would be much easier to use to fill in the letter than with some paint and a brush.  It worked very well!  When I had it all filled out, I decided it was missing something, so I went and dug out some stencils I had in my craft stuff.  I taped the stencil to the wood and chose another color to paint over the stencil with.  This is the finished product.  I am pretty happy with how it turned out!  

Unfortunately when Erica reads this she will know what part of her birthday present is, but I don't think she'll mind :) If there is a word that means something significant to you this year, I encourage you to make a little plaque for yourself, too!  It is a fun little project and something you can keep forever.  

If anyone reading this struggles with being much more of a Martha than a Mary, I highly recommend the book, "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver.  It is a great book and one that relates the Bible story to our own lives.  I think now is the perfect time for me to read it again!

At the end of the day, I just want The Lord to be able to say about me... "Chelsey has chosen the good part, which will not be taken from her."