A few weeks ago I was doing some brainstorming about possible future blog posts. I was praying about what God wanted me to share, and a really cool idea came to me! I got to thinking about how I have several women in my life who have gone through infertility, and each of them has blessed me so much with their insight, encouragement and most importantly-- their faith. So why not ask some of these friends if they would be willing to let me interview them for my blog?? I mean they are so much wiser than I, and what they have to share is so very powerful. Thankfully, the 3 that I asked all said yes! These women have all been through so much and have chosen to grow in their faith through the heartbreak. And each of them now have the advantage of being able to see God's plan come full circle with the blessing of the children He has given them. I hope you are as touched by their hearts and stories as I have been! I am going to break this up into a 3 part series, so my next 3 posts will be dedicated to these interviews.

Todays interview is with Meredith. She is a pediatrician here in NW Arkansas who I have had the pleasure of working with and getting to know over the past few years! I admire her so much both personally and professionally.

First please give a brief history of your infertility journey such as how long you tried, surgeries/procedures you went through, medications, miscarriages, etc.

Justin and I dated for 8 years prior to getting married and have been married for 15 1/2 years. We started trying to have children after we had been married for 4-5 years- in my last year of medical school. We had previously been on birth control. What a waste of money After 18 months of trying, I asked my doctor for some help. He had 8 children and wasn't really helpful. He put me on Clomid at varying doses and did nothing else to work us up or help us for 1-2 years. We then changed to another physician at UAMS who did labs, ultrasounds, counts, etc. to see if he could find the cause of our infertility. No luck. He had me on Clomid at higher doses for an additional 6 months before sending us to Arkansas Fertility and Gynecology. They did more work up in preparation for IUI. During my hysterosalpingogram, he found some polyps in my uterus. I underwent a procedure to remove them. Afterwards, while taking Clomid and waiting for our round of IUI to get started, we became pregnant with our oldest. This first process took right at 5 years.

After we had our oldest, our OB recommended no birth control, just breastfeed for contraception and see what happened. When she was 18 months old, we started trying again. We went back to the dose of Clomid that worked before. No luck. We then started a series of injections, scheduled intercourse, more lab work, two exploratory surgeries, another procedure to remove more polyps all without success. We then started IUI and completed 6 rounds of it without success. In October 2011, I had another exploratory procedure that again, didn't show much of anything. In November 2011, we started preparing for our first round of in vitro. Sparing some details, this procedure was not completed appropriately and it failed. They repeated the procedure 5 months later and the twins were born at 37 weeks.

1) What 3 words or emotions best describe your experience with infertility?

1) all-consuming: your thoughts, your body, your money, your time, your sex life, your prayer time, your marriage- infertility takes a bit of everything. 2) lonely- even if you open up about it, infertility is a painfully lonely, slow moving process. 3) a trial- James says in ch. 1 vs 2-4 says we should consider is ALL JOY whenever we face various trials. Infertility is an opportunity to rely on and learn from God in new ways and maybe in ways that others will never experience who haven't walked through it. This is hard. Ask God for help in being obedient by seeking JOY in your trial.

2) What is the most important thing God taught you during that incredibly difficult season in your life?

God taught me about His sovereignty. He IS. Period. He doesn't need my help or my opinion though he allows us to be completely enveloped in Him no matter what is going on in our lives. He alone required ALL worship- our time, our emotion, our trust, our thoughts- all of it. He is a jealous God who will not allow His praise to be wasted on the altar of any idol including that of infertility. (See Ezekiel 8 and look up who the women are crying over). Because He is sovereign, He has allowed this in your life. Look through the Bible- there is no doubt that God uses barrenness. That is a hard pill to swallow at times, but God was very kind to me and showed me all of the women that he allowed to go through infertility in scripture. Mighty acts of His purpose for His glory were accomplished in these situations (think of John the Baptist and Samuel) and these women were never forgotten by Him. In His sovereignty He also cursed motherhood. What He taught me about the fall is that Eve's curse extended well beyond the physical act of having a child- the loss of a child whether during pregnancy or after, the unfulfilled desire to have a baby, chronic or deadly illness in a child, the hardship of an estranged relationship with an older adult child and a rebellious teenager all are strains on "childbearing". But God gives grace and where is He most likely to give it but at that point which He has afflicted this world most deeply. This also reminds me to give grace. I may be jealous of the woman that easily got pregnant with 4 kids- but I don't know the hurt she experienced when she chose to abort a previous pregnancy, or the two miscarriages she never talks about, or the one of her children with mental illness, or the adult child who hasn't spoken to her in years. I have found that when you are struggling with something, it feels like the worst and only hurt in the world. We have to ask God to let us look outside of ourselves and see the hurting world around us. For me- that was the only way we have dealt with infertility.

3) What advice/encouragement you can give to women who are currently struggling with infertility?

1. Find your identity in Christ alone. You are His and He bought you and made you to glorify Him. Our identity comes from serving Him as Christ and Lord. He is the One that tells us to whom that service will be and what it looks like.

2. Give others grace. When something is so deeply painful like infertility, it is pretty easy to be hard on those who ask you about it--or don't! It is easy to take almost anything anyone says to you personally. Most people don't start out their day planning on wounding you again--sometimes they really don't know what else to say. And for me, there were days when it wouldn't have mattered what people said, it wouldn't have been right. That's not to say you can't guard your heart. You can avoid Mother's Day or baby showers on tough days and even restricting conversations with some who just always set off a nerve. But, taking every comment as a stab to your soul builds anger and resentment and which only hurts you. Ask Christ to redeem those comments--show you how to be sensitive and not unknowingly hurt others but give others grace.

Thank you so much, Meredith! You are awesome! I appreciate you opening up about some of the deepest and most private areas of your life and sharing it all with us. Everything you say points to the Lord... and I have no doubt He is being glorified!