My Bible study group is currently going through a Beth Moore series called “Breaking Free.”  We are only on week 3, but wow!  It is already proving to be an amazing & life changing study. God is definitely working in my heart and opening my eyes to areas and captivity in my life.  Did you know you could be a Christian and a captive at the same time? Many people (including myself) accept God’s free gift of salvation but don’t experience the abundant life He has planned for them.  He sets us free, but we continue to choose a life of chains.  It is a very sad reality, but one that I know can be changed by God’s grace.  I’m nervous and excited for whats ahead!  

One of the homework assignments in my Breaking Free workbook this week was titled “The Obstacle of Idolatry.”  As I began to read through the Scripture passages & Beth’s teaching, I learned that our Lord creates every one of us with a God shaped void in our hearts so that we will seek Him.  Trying to satisfy that void and our deepest needs with anything or anyone but God is idolatry.  I was struck with a very harsh reality a few months ago.  Corey and I got into a fight one night and he said to me, “Will anything other than a baby be able to truly make you happy?”  OUCH!! But it was a valid question. I sat there in silence unable to respond and there was no denying…. I had made having a baby an idol in my life. Sounds harsh doesn’t it?  I always pictured an idol as a statue or image that you bow down to and worship, but the truth is, anything we put in the place where God belongs is an idol.  I never imagined something as innocent as desiring to be a Mom could be so wrong.  And I don’t think the desire itself is wrong, in fact I think it is God-given. But at some point along the way I removed God from his rightful place on the throne of my heart and replaced Him with the baby I longed for.  I stopped seeking after Him and His will for my life and began seeking after my will for my life and anything that would increase my chances of making this dream of motherhood a reality.  My whole world revolved around it. He no longer filled that void in my heart.  I attempted to fill it with all of this determination to become a mother. And every area of my life began to suffer: my marriage, my friendships, my relationship with God, my health, my work, all of it.   

It did not take long to realize that it would be very hard for me to lay down this idol.  It has been painful trying to loosen the death grip I’ve had on trying to make this dream of mine come true.  But God in His goodness has helped me to see past where I currently am and to understand that even if He does bless me with children at some point down the road, there will always be something else I am desiring, something else threatening to take His place in my heart. By His grace, I am back to the place where my true satisfaction and happiness is in Christ alone.  I am so grateful that He convicted me, so that I could be set free!!  Is there an idol in your life that should not be there?  Nothing in this world…. not your career, an addiction, a dream come true, a cure, another human being or anything else can fill the God-shaped void in your heart.  There is nothing like the joy and contentment that comes from knowing Christ, humbling yourself in worship of Him and letting Him reign over your life!  Not even a baby.  I continue to hope and pray that The Lord will bless Corey and I by allowing us to become parents one day.  What has changed is that my desire for motherhood is back where it belongs, below God and according to His will... not mine.  And that makes all the difference!