I realized today that I am overdue to give you all an update. I was able to take a little blogging break since those 3 lovely ladies were kind enough to let me interview them over the past few weeks and share their stories. Now it’s time for me to get back into the swing of things! I really wish I had better news. Unfortunately, the “2 week wait” (as it is referred to in the infertility world), proved to have a disappointing end for us once again. We found out last Tuesday that we were not pregnant. This news was really hard on us for a few different reasons I think. One reason is because we haven’t been able to really try in over 3 months due to me having either too many eggs or no eggs at all. As frustrating as that was, we did not get our hopes up those months since we knew there was virtually no chance of us getting pregnant. It was much more of an even keel than a roller coaster, which although we didn’t realize it at the time…. was a much needed emotional break for both of us. But this month, everything seemed to be falling into place with 2 perfect follicles, a high sperm count and our 1st IUI completed. We were really excited and hopeful, and both thought it might finally be our time. We knew God could answer our prayers at any moment. But this was not that time. We will repeating exactly what we did last month...clomid days 5-9, follicle ultrasound day 14, trigger shot if 1-3 mature eggs, IUI and progesterone after IUI. And most importantly, we will continue to trust that God is in control and that He alone can give us the desires of our hearts. “I prayed for this child…."
Once upon a time there lived a woman named Hannah and a man named Elkanah. Their story can be found in the Bible in the book titled "1 Samuel." It goes as follows:
There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tihu, the son of Zuph, and Ephraimite. He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Penninah had children, but Hannah had none. Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the Lord Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the Lord. Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. But Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping?” Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”
Once they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the Lord’s house. In her deep anguish, Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.” “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied. “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.” Eli answered, “go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of Him.” She said, “may your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something and her face was no longer downcast.
Early the next morning they arose and worshipped the Lord and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her. So in the course of time, Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.” When her husband Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the Lord and go fulfill his vow, Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the Lord, and he will live there always.” “Do what seems best to you,” her husband Elkanah told her. “Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the Lord make good His word.” So the woman stayed at home and nursed her son until she had weaned him. After he was weaned, she took the boy with her, young as he was, along with a three year old bull, an ephah of flour and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh. When the bull had been sacrificed, they brought the bull to Eli, and she said to him, “Pardon me my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord. I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life will be given over to the Lord.” And he worshipped the Lord there. 1 Samuel 1:1-28
I am so very thankful that this story was recorded in such great detail! I have found so much consolation in being able to identify so closely with Hannah. There are multiple women in the Bible who were known to be barren or infertile for varying lengths of time….but in my opinion, no other story captures the longing, anguish, jealousy, marital stress, prayerfulness and the physical effects of someone dealing with infertility quite like Hannah’s story does. Although she is a well known biblical figure, she was a real woman yearning to be a mother, just like me. I absolutely love Hannah’s prayer to The Lord when she cries out to Him and says “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on Your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant, but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of my life….” This has become the prayer of my heart. The only difference is that I usually say son OR daughter. :) The first few times I prayed those words were scary. I told God that if He blesses me with a baby, I would not only do my best to raise my child to know and love Him, but also that I would give my child to Him in whatever way He asked of me. Thats a big promise to make. But Hannah meant it and so do I. After pondering it I thought, "what better life for my child than to live out God’s will for him or her, whatever it may be?” How could I not trust the Creator with His creation? Samuel ended up being a noble and upright priest, prophet, warrior and judge. God chose him to find and appoint the first 2 kings of Israel. What an awesome example of how God can turn even the most painful and hopeless situation into a masterpiece or joy and hope which ultimately showcases His goodness and glory.
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