Kate is a sweet girl that I met through our mutual friend Erica, who we are both very close to. I have been following Kate and Jim's journey for a long time through Erica. At the time I didn't really know anyone else struggling to try and start a family, so hearing about Kate's struggles saddened me but also reminded me that I was not alone. I prayed for her and her situation often and finally got the chance to meet her in Nashville last summer when we were both bridesmaids in Erica's wedding. We got to spend a lot of time talking about everything and I remember feeling so encouraged by her. She was 5 months pregnant with Micah at the time. Hallelujah!


First please give a brief history of your infertility journey such as how long you tried, surgeries/procedures you went through, medications, miscarriages, etc.

After Jim and I had been married 3 years we decided to start having kids.  I had everything planned…that’s where I went wrong.  I planned to wait until after my best friend’s wedding so I could enjoy the festivities.  I planned to get pregnant in the fall or winter so my child would be “older” for their grade, I planned we would have 3 kids, all naturally of course.  Even I knew all this planning sounded crazy. So I never shared these deeply personal requests with anyone.    After 1 year of “trying” I had my 1 year OB/GYN annual exam.  That morning it was I took a home pregnancy test and it was POSITIVE.  It was POSITIVE.  Test at the MD that morning confirmed, however my HCG levels were really really low.  The next day I miscarried.  I grieved, moved on, and thought as high as 50% of pregnancy end with miscarriage.  I’m normal.  1 year passed almost to the day.  It was positive again.  This time we saw the perfect heartbeat on ultrasound at 7 weeks.  The MD said see in in 4 weeks.  At 3 weeks and 6 days I started spotting.  This time the ultrasound confirmed no heartbeat and a D & C followed the next day. This time it was really hard.  There was a beating heart. What went wrong? So maybe I’m not normal.  I took a year to get pregnant and then to lose it twice? I started with a Reproductive Endocrinologist.  I was scared to death.  What would they tell me?  I had test after test that found I had polycystic ovaries (PCOS) only by looks on ultrasound not by hormone imbalance.  Jim’s test were all normal.   I drug my feet having any interventions until finally I couldn’t wait anymore.  I needed a plan.  So we started with fertility injections (follistem).  For some reason this seemed like the kiss of death to me.  I cried when I had to pick-up the medicine.  You see I’m one of those people that is really bothered by taking medicine.  It made me feel like something was wrong with me.  Like I was sick.  After 3 trials of injections (1 natural round, 1 IUI, and 1 cancelled for too many eggs) we were unsuccessful.  Did I mention I had a 3^rd confirmed pregnancy and miscarriage somewhere in the middle of these injection trials?  Oh yeah I did.  Had a second D & C and here is where it gets interesting.   In the middle of the procedure…. I coded!! Yes my heart stopped, or at least they thought it did.  I now know that most likely I had a vagal nerve response and had extreme bradycardia.  Lay terms= extremely slow heart rate from a nerve that slows your system.   I found myself asking “Is this worth it?”  I mean is having a child worth risking my life?  I was forever scarred with fear.  Not that I already wasn’t fearful enough.    

Time heals wounds…kind of.  I did get brave enough to keep trying.  Got pregnant and had my 4^th miscarriage.  No D & C this time.  Passed naturally, while I was on vacation to where else but the happiest place on earth….Disney World!  This time we decided I needed a good healthy egg.  Not these small polycystic eggs.  So we opted for IVF.  As I waited for my next cycle to start so I could begin the hormone shots again, my period never came.  Okay so here we go again.  I couldn’t do it.  I just miscarried last month.  If you are keeping count this is the 5^th pregnancy.  All natural without intervention. I couldn’t do it.  I could not have bad news again.  This time was different all my numbers and ultrasounds were normal.  Every appointment I had I cried, shook, gave myself a pep talk. It was so hard walking in those doors.  Remember I was scarred permanently.  I feared every time that the heartbeat would be gone just as it was the 4x previous, but every time I left with good news.  Finally,  I was released to my regular MD.  I had a wonderful pregnancy.  The fear never left and every day I felt I would lose this precious baby, until the day I held my healthy baby boy in my arms.  I whispered to him...“You are different.  You are strong.  You are the perfect baby I have been praying for”.  And I knew in my heart it was true.  

1) What 3 words best describe your experience with infertility?

If I had to say 3 words/things that describe this experience it would be scary, lonely and worth it.  I’ve already talked about it being scary.  But it was lonely even though my husband was extremely supportive, strong, and encouraging.  I did have a few close girlfriends, my sister, and parents I shared with. I stopped talking to some friends and attending some events where there could be the potential that “baby” talk might come up.  I was not strong enough to talk about it to just anybody.  So I just didn’t put myself in that position.  I felt like something was wrong with me.  Like people showed pity for me, like I was a leper.  Micah was strong enough to survive so I can too now.  Maybe I can help somebody else find strength.  It was worth it.  I feel like myself again. 

2) What is the most important thing God taught you during that incredibly difficult season in your life?

What is the most important thing God taught me?   Well I would like to say I learned a lot of things but truth is I actually have more questions now than answers.  I learned that I did get what I prayed for.  I wanted a healthy baby.  I truly believe the other babies would not have been healthy.  They did find that one baby would have had a chromosome problem.  I continue to seek answers and a greater understanding.  Certainly there is a greater purpose to life.  I was not put on this earth to have a child then pass on.  There has to be something else.  I will continue to learn and seek. 

3) What advice/encouragement you can give to women who are currently struggling with infertility?

My advice to other women and men struggling with starting a family is that even though this is an extremely stressful experience, you can still enjoy the way your life is now.  You are not a leper.  It’s okay to hear “baby” talk and answer with "we are trying but have had some difficulties." 

Thank you for sharing, Kate!  May God continue to bless your family!